By now, you’ve heard the rumors. And the fact you googled it tells me, on some level, you thought it could be true. Is iced coffee illegal in Canada?
By now, you’ve heard the rumors. And the fact you googled it tells me, on some level, you thought it could be true. Is iced coffee illegal in Canada?
At first glance, it makes sense. What person in their right mind would want to be sipping an iced coffee while filling up their snowmobile for a weekend on the trails?
I would, but that’s a different story for another time.
Who Started the Rumor?
Obviously, the birthplace of this rumor is the same place where all rumors and bad ideas originate: TikTok. I’m not saying TikTok is an untrustworthy app; I’m just saying it’s not my first port of call for life advice.
Anyway, a user by the handle @taylorjacksonphoto uploaded this TikTok video clip in which he says how and why iced coffee became illegal in Canada. I have it here in YouTube form for you.
Iced Coffee Is Illegal in Canada Video
Fact or Fiction?
Pretty believable, eh? According to the video, Canada signed a trade deal back in 2007 with the CLAC to buy the coffee beans for iced coffee, to the tune of $30 million. It even claimed that the Prime Minister at the time, Stephen Harper, thought it was an unnecessary expense and then signed a deal that essentially banned iced coffee altogether.
Moreover, the video also alleged that since that time, Canadians were not allowed to purchase iced coffee and could only get hot coffee at the local coffee shops. And that since iced coffee was illegal, you could only drink hot coffee at home.
The Truth
In truth, though, coffee isn’t illegal in Canada at all.
But let’s go down that road, shall we? What would it be like to live in a country where iced coffee is illegal? I bet it would go a little something like this.
What if Iced Coffee Really Was Illegal in Canada?
Picture it: you’re taking your sick polar bear to the vet in the winter and get pulled over for a routine traffic stop. The officer smells a familiar smell and asks what’s in your travel mug. You knew that morning that you should have used a thermal cup, but you were in a hurry, and you didn’t think it through. Now you have cold coffee and an officer at your window. Don’t panic!
What Do You Do?
You’re not a criminal. It just got cold because it’s freezing outside. But the dangers of iced coffee have been drilled into the public’s collective mind: it can negatively affect sleep, cause weight gain from added sugar, have too much caffeine, and on and on. Uggg!
You’ve even heard stories of people getting caught adding ice to their coffee after leaving the coffee shop or baristas dealing iced coffee out the drive-thru window. They end up busted by the coffee police, also known as the Refrigerated Coffee Monitoring Patrol, or RCMP.
Your mind wanders to the people selling small packets of instant coffee and snow or making contraband iced coffees in their basements, trying to extract espresso by hand with room temperature water into a cup with ice. All of that just to experience the many coffee drinks available in the rest of the world.
They even have to make their own ice, you know, because ice sales are regulated. Suppose an account shows excessive ice purchases and popular coffee pairings like sugar and cream. In that case, there’s a possibility that the RCMP would send in the tactical Beverage Verification Squads, or BVERS, to take down the operation.
Fess Up!
You just know you’re gonna be next! The officer frowns. Oh no! There’s no sweet-talking your way out of this maple syrup-induced nightmare. You’re just going to have to ‘fess up to your miscalculation and apologize unless you can distract him by pointing out a moose then yeeting the dregs out the window before stepping on the gas.
And what would happen if you were found guilty of iced coffee-related crimes?
What Would Be the Punishment?
So say iced coffee was illegal in Canada. The punishment for being in possession of iced coffee or any cold coffee drink can range from simply having to pour it out to much more severe consequences, depending on the number of ice cubes. Hopefully your cube limit is low enough to only get a misdemeanor charge.
Perhaps half a cup of cubes would get you banned from the Tim Hortons drive-thru, so you’d have to put pants on and actually go in to get your HOT coffee. The horrors!
A full cup of ice, and you’d really be in hot water. That would earn you a public punishment of being pelted with doughnuts by people drinking hot coffee outside your local coffee shop. You’d have to wear pants for this also, else risk serious frostbite.
Remember: If You Chill It, You Have To Spill It™.
Verdict: Everything in Moderation, Even Internet
The key takeaway here is don’t believe everything you see online. Iced coffee is not illegal in Canada, and Canadians have been enjoying iced coffee just as long as the rest of us.
The truth is iced coffee can be very good for you. Iced coffee can promote weight loss through appetite control and boosting metabolism, possibly lower heart disease risks, not to mention other antioxidant benefits from the phenolic compounds found in coffee.
Now the argument of whether cold brew is actually illegal since there’s no ice? That’s a debate for another day!
FAQ on Iced Coffee Being Illegal in Canada
No, Iced coffee is not illegal in Canada. The rumor stemmed from a video shared by TikTok users. A user called @taylorjacksonphoto claimed Prime Minister Stephen Harper outlawed the drink altogether because he thought the cost of the coffee beans to make it was an unnecessary expense.
No, cold brews fall into the same category as iced coffee and other refrigerated or cold coffee drinks like iced espresso. Any cold coffee in your possession, including frozen coffee grounds, is a ticketable offense, and you’ll be asked to apologize.
If you drink iced coffee in Canada and are caught, you have to call former Prime Minister Stephen Harper and apologize. Then, you have to create an 8.5” x 11” Canadian flag out of coffee beans and hot glue to send him for his collection.
Yes. What makes iced coffee bad for beavers is mostly the drink’s temperature. The cold drink causes the beaver’s teeth to chatter. Combine that with the jittery effect of too much caffeine, and the beavers can no longer build dams. Instead, they drop into woodchipper mode and turn all the sticks to sawdust. Never give your beaver iced coffee!
Only during the springtime. If you give your maple trees iced coffee when the bottles are forming, the bottle caps won’t develop properly, and you’ll have a super hard time trying to pour that syrupy goodness on your waffles.
The belief that Canadians are afraid of iced coffee is a common misconception. Canadians are immune to Frost and Ice attacks when combined with a Caffeine charged ability. This also includes cold brew coffee and iced cappuccinos. The best way to battle a Canadian is with heat abilities, like Medium Salsa or 5-Alarm Chili.
Iced coffee actually keeps Canadians cold. That’s why there was such a backlash when the law passed to make iced coffee illegal in Canada. Canadians have had to turn to more unusual drinks to keep cool in the summer, like iced water and improperly steeped teas.
Iced coffee, and caffeine in general, cause cranial hair loss in polar bears. That’s why you see so many polar bears wearing toques in caffeinated soft drink commercials.
Mounties cannot drink iced coffee while on duty. The clinking of the ice in the glass makes the horses jumpy. Additionally, since the government implemented the “iced coffee free” policy, there has been a sharp decline in straw-related accidents while galloping.
Iced tea is ok to drink in Canada. But not with lemon. Or at hockey games.
Disclaimer, no Canadians, beavers, polar bears or maple trees were harmed during the writing of this article. No donuts were wasted either!
